Disgusted.

Disgusted.

So, I have a friend who a few weeks ago began making themselves sick, and continued like this for a further few weeks, before stopping. She lost a lot of weight, to the point where she began to look unhealthy, and she barely eats at school, and she overexcercises.

Naturally, I worry for hours and hours about her, I try and track her eating habits and the amount of excercise she does; even my mum asks for daily updates because she’s seen how ill she looked and is worried sick as well. We have a mutual friend, and I mentioned to him that we needed to keep an eye on her eating and stuff, as I was getting worried about her.

He responded with “to be honest, it sounds like you’re worried she’s overtaking you”

I hung up.

Later he repeated “it just sounds like you’re jealous”

I felt revolted, disgusted, insulted, horrified, sick to my STOMACH that somebody, especially someone I trusted so much, could say such a horrendous thing. Honestly, the idea that I would be jealous of rather than worried about her weightloss is disgusting; it goes against everything I stand for, and I have FOUGHT against for the past 4 years.

Recovery has been fucking difficult, and I was at a point where I felt proud that I’d got this far, grateful to my friends for their support. Now, not only has he made me feel like some kind of selfish bitch, but he’s also proved that he knows nothing about me or how I think/feel. I honestly think what has been a very close friendship is over.

God, it’s really really upset me. All i want to do is slash up my wrists and push my fingers so far down my throat that I cough up blood for the next few days and stop eating and take too many pills… but my parents are proper on my case.

I can’t even just starve myself for a week or so, because I have exams. 

He has reduced everything I've fought for to nothing.

Feel like shit. Hate myself more than ever. Thanks a fucking bunch S.